on the shape that will actually make you happy

on old photos and wishes and horses

Our past weighs heavily on us, on our goals, on our aspirations and dreams. On superficial things. On deep things.

Do you find yourself setting a weight goal every year? Or every few months? Do you wish you were a certain weight or a certain shape? A lot of you do.

Do you look at an old photo - from 2-3 years back and not old college/school photos - and wish you were in that shape today?

Well, here's a question for you - were you happy with that shape, at that time and place? In all probability, you were not. At that time, you were wishing that you were wishing for something else.

artificial constructs

Where did you come up with that goal? Or your current goal? You think that goal is truly something deep, something that comes from your heart. Absolutely not.

Your goal, your wish is a construct of whatever you were seeing/hearing around you at that time. Maybe you went to a family wedding and that aunt of yours (we all have that aunt, right?) obviously spoke about your weight. And besides sparking a wish to yell out loud, it kept grating away at you. And you thought the way out of that discomfort and unhappiness was to get into better shape.

unfortunately, slapping is not a solution

Well, what is better?

Why does that shape which that aunt remarked on 3 years ago seem like a good place today but it felt terrible that day?

What makes you think that you will feel happier if you get to that place today?

And what happens when a different uncle comes in and remarks on your weight casually?

Sure sure, you might tell yourself he's an idiot. But will that stop you from beating yourself up?

So, what's the solution besides slapping insensitive people who should be minding their own business?

is there a problem to solve?

I think we should stop trying to look for solutions. A solution indicates a problem. Unless we stop looking at our past, we cannot start. I am not any way ahead of this curve. There are still days when I think of myself as that weak kid from high school, which makes me blind to the work I've put in and continue to put in.

The past is irrelevant. What other people say/opine/think are irrelevant. Unless you learn to separate that out from what you truly think and want, no goal will make you happy. Because you getting there, whether you get there or not, is not really what you want. You think you want that but that is simply the prison you've put yourself in and are trying to climb out of.

We've already established that it only takes an idiot to jar you out of your sense of achievement. Ridding the world of idiots is unfortunately not going to happen, because we happen to one as well. Not paying attention to idiots is a definite possibility but because we are also one, sometimes we will pay attention to idiots, internal and external.

a state of mind

You are looking for a state of mind. You are not looking for a physical shape or number. And to find this state of mind requires one to be free and detached from the silliness of it all, from the pattern machinery, from the thirty seconds of illusory nonsense, from the number of likes and followers. Instead, sift through the noise and look deep. Unless we find that, nothing will solve it. Because there's no problem to be solved.