I have a sweet tooth. I've always had one. As a kid, when I didn't find any sugary junk, I'd eat a handful of plain sugar.

Even today, I love sweets. And of course, a lot of this has to do with my behaviours and associated memories of eating sweets as a kid. Festival times, for example, would involve lots of family and lots and lots of sweets in the house. Even after the holidays ended, cue sad face, the sweets and bakshanams will remain.

And I would never stop at one. Any time I reached for something to eat, the bare minimum would be two pieces and almost always, a handful.

A handful of colorful sprinkles.
Photo by Katie Rainbow 🏳️‍🌈 / Unsplash

These are habits that continue to plague me today.

While I know and understand that eating too many sweets is not a great idea, nor does it make me feel good, I still occasionally do idiotic things. And when I step back and observe, the same patterns emerge.

It starts with having sweets and junk in the house. When I buy it, I am in a lot more control of it. But when someone sends something across, it feels like "I have to eat it." Which might sound stupid, but that's how it is.

And it gets out of control occasionally. Post dinner, I'd suddenly behave like how I would if I was 10 years old and go to bed eating a pile of sweets. And feel a bit bloated the next morning. And wonder why I did what I did.

Again, with the hat of sensible thinking the next day, I can again trace this pattern back to one, or a combination of,

Always. It simply comes down to this. I know this. You know this.

But yet, there I am, yet again, with a tub of sweets, munching away to glory with my book.

What I continue to realise is it is not just about knowing what to do. For example, I know I should be eating more veggies. I know I should not be storing a lot of sweets in my house (and instead order when I'd like).

But I still do it. In defiance of what I'd like to do.

And to continue stating the obvious, there's a part of me that's clear about doing this. This self-sabotage. Pretending it is a surprise is the idiotic part.

Instead, what I think I can get better with, beyond eating like an adult and cleaning up my pantry, is to simply enjoy the days I do want to indulge. Rather than pretend that it came about my accident, I can design them better.

Instead of eating the random junk in my house, an act that is out of control and leaves me with a sub-par experience, I can simply order the junk I feel like eating and have a great evening. Requires a pause. Choosing not to pause is also a choice that I've made.

When I zoom out and see my patterns, it looks so silly and obvious. But when I am in the middle of it, I have a blind spot like all of us.

The only thing to do is to go back to basics. Eat more vegetables and drink more water. And clean out my pantry.

So, after a week of eating crap every evening, I've re-realised my own advice.

Begin again.

And maybe, it is time to question my identity/label as well of "I have a sweet tooth." Coz I was never a morning person, and yet, I love waking up early. I was never an "exercise person", and yet, here I am.